I used to write to people who hurt me.
Words that lasted forever would not fail my weak heart.
Spilling blood and ink here and there.
I used to drink to forget.
I remembered everything.
Playing back memories untill they appeared in my room like furniture
Staring at me like raw meat and there they stayed for years.
I have hated myself for most of my adult life.
I used to paint my face to hide.
I used to drink to hide.
I would run away even when no one was looking for me.
I spent many years giving pieces of myself to anyone who would take one.
Even when they mis-used those pieces I was honoured that they took one in the first place.
I wanted someone to own me so I didn't have to be responsible for who I was.
I feel so different now.
I cant explain.
Memory fails me.
I dont need or want for much.
I have forgotten the characters I played or those that played me.
Sometimes a memory will blindside me
Never Raw or upsetting just an aknowledgment of something that happened once.
I am still. Quiet. Verging on peaceful.
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